You tell your child that it is not ok to pull the dog’s hair. You really want them to stop. How do you make your word worth gold where they will hear what you say and your words have meaning.

When your word is worth gold, not only do your children know that when you say something, you mean it, but they also feel more secure knowing that if you say something will happen, then it will actually happen. This is super important for kids to build trust.

But how do you do it? Why can’t you just say something and have those words that you said mean something?

The way to make your words worth gold is to follow through with what you say. If you say that you can’t pull the dog’s hair, then you have to follow through with not allowing them to pull the dog’s hair. That will come in the form of a consequence. The natural consequence here would be removing the child from the space where the dog is which might be to go to their room. They will need to be in their room until they are ready to take care of the dog.

You aren’t angry when you follow through because the act of following through is the act of sealing your words in gold. They have meaning once action is taken.

Kids are curious and they are constantly wondering if we mean what we say. You say, “Don’t do that!” and the little inquisitive voice inside their curious head says “Does she really mean that? What if I do touch it? What then?” It seems counter intuitive, but what they really want is for something to happen when they do touch it. They want to know that the words that they just heard have meaning. They will fuss (because that’s what they do) but the fussing is OK because they are learning that your word is worth gold.

So they will do what they were just told not to do (this is pretty much guaranteed!) and then you will name the consequence so that they know that you mean it. “We can’t pull the dog’s hair. You will need to be separated from him if you do it again.” And then expect them to do it again. They need to find out if you really mean what you say so they will pull the dog’s hair again. At this point, just remind them of the limit and then calmly remove them from wherever they are.

Kids don’t learn on the first try. They need repetition so it is perfectly fine if you have to repeat this scenario again the next day. However, they will learn that your words have meaning if you continue to follow through.