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16Oct

Natural Consequences- what are they and how do you use them?

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
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Maybe you have heard of natural consequences or maybe this is the first time that you have heard that term. Either way, natural consequences are a very effective way to teach our children.

Children act up, that is their job. They need to know what is expected of them and the only way to find out is to push a boundary. If we hold that boundary firmly then not only are we helping with their behavior but we also make them feel more secure.

How do we hold that boundary? How do we not give into to what they are whining and tantruming about? Here’s where we use natural consequences.

Here are some examples:

  • Going outside- When your child refuses to put on a jacket, you can say, “Brr, it’s cold outside. I’m going to be warm with my jacket on.” When they go out and they are cold- that is a natural consequence. “Oh man, you seem chilly without your jacket. I’m so sorry.”
  • Not listening- When your child is not listening to a thing you say and you are on your way to meet some friends for dinner or you are already out to dinner, “We have to use manners and be able to listen when we are dining with other people and so we cannot go out to dinner with our friends tonight. That is such a bummer.” It is a bummer for you too, but you usually only need to do this once before kids realize that they do need to need to use manners and listen. Not being able to go out to dinner or hang out with friends is a natural consequence of not listening or having manners.
  • Bed time- When your child is doing anything but getting ready for bed, “I see that the clock is running out of time for story time.” “Oh no, we ran out of time for stories- that’s a bummer- hopefully we can do story time tomorrow night.” Not having time for stories or a snuggle is a natural consequence of taking too much time to get ready.
  • Meal times- When your child refuses to eat any food (make sure there is one thing on their plate that they have eaten in the past) “oh man, you might be hungry tonight but we’ll have more food tomorrow morning.”
  • Cleaning up toys- When your child refuses to clean up their toys, you can say that your job of vacuuming is going to happen in about ten minutes (or whatever time frame you would like to use) and that whatever is still on the carpet will get vacuumed up. Then if they don’t clean up their toys, you can gather them up and donate whatever isn’t cleaned up.

All of these consequences will have tears with them. Your child will be upset but you can comfort them as they are learning.

These types of consequences are tough to impose because it can feel terrible to have your child feel cold/ not eat/ take away toys. These are all hard things but we know that we can do hard things.

Back Pocket Consequences

I have what I like to call “back-pocket consequences” which are consequences that I can use anytime because they are always in my back pocket.

Cold, hungry and tired children are not fun to be around but the lesson only needs to be taught once or twice and can be way more effective than losing a video.  However, I still use losing screen time or earlier bed time as a consequence because it can still be effective.  I try to tie that consequence to the behavior to make it more effective.  In other words, “you are acting like you are tired, we’ll try an earlier bedtime tonight to see if that helps with behavior tomorrow” or “I’m wondering if watching those videos is making you act this way, We’ll take one away tonight and see if that helps”

Empathy

Being empathetic when your child has a natural consequence is super important for two reasons. One, it puts you and your child on the same side and strengthens your connection and builds resilience in the child. You aren’t fighting against your child, you are supporting your child when they made a poor choice. Two, it reinforces the lesson as it is not the parent enforcing the consequence but it is the consequence itself that is doing the teaching.

Empathy is saying things like:

  • I know that you are cold, I’m so sorry. We can get warm once we are back inside. Let me give you a hug and see if that helps.
  • I can’t get your toys back, but I can give you a hug and we can snuggle and read a story together. Would that help you feel better?
  • I’m so sorry that you are hungry. We’ll have a big breakfast in the morning. I would feel hungry too if I didn’t eat.
  • I know, it’s such a bummer that we can’t hang out with our friends. Maybe next time.

Will there be a lot of tears. Yes. There will be tears and screaming and crying. You can comfort them or try to comfort them but being unhappy and angry is part of life and it’s ok.

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26Mar

Does your child have all of the control? How to find a balance

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
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A big part of parenting is the question of control and who has it.  The two extremes of parenting are authoritarian parenting where the parent has complete control and permissive parenting where the child has complete control.

Most parents have a goal to fall somewhere in the middle; sharing control.

If I had to guess, I’d say that about 80% of parenting dilemmas and headaches revolve around the issue of control and who has it.   If you have a child, you probably deal daily with something along these lines.

Do you say, “I have asked you now 10 times to put your shoes on!”?  (child has control)

Does your child say, “You are so mean!  I hate eating broccoli!” (You have control)

Do you hear, “No no no no no!” in your household? (Someone is trying to gain control)

So let’s look at the two types of parenting that I see so prevalent today:

Authoritarian parenting: a quick google search says that authoritarian is “favoring or enforcing strict obedience to authority”.  I see this manifest with parents as you will eat what I put on your plate because that what my parents did when I was a kid.   Or even just the simple, “Stop it!” or “No!”

Permissive parenting: This type of parenting pops up a lot in Boulder and sometimes is seen as relaxed and laid back, but in reality, lacks in structure and harmony.  Sometimes it is a chosen style of parenting and sometimes it is by necessity if the parent is overwhelmed or just under-equipped with parenting tools.  I even have found parenting websites from Boulder that extol permissive parenting as long as you have enough love.

The reality is that we need to fall somewhere in the middle.  We need balance.

If the parent has too much control (authoritarian) then there will be many tantrums which are a way for the child to steal some control back from the parent.

If the child has too much control (permissive) then there will be a lot of pushing boundaries to see where the line is finally drawn.  I often hear, “but I wanted the blue cup instead of the red cup” in permissive families and the parent acquiesces and gives the child the blue cup.  That child has too much control.

So what does this all-magical balance look like and is it attainable?

You need to set limits for most things.  One family philosophy that you could adopt is “We take care of ourselves, our things and each other”.  For each transgression of not taking care of something, you can give three reminders.  The first time, connect and set the limit (Are you ok? We don’t hit).  The second time, you set the limit and inform the consequences. (We don’t hit, if you are using your hands then we need to go home) and the third time, you set the limits and enact the consequence (We don’t hit, we need to be safe so it is time for us to go home.)

By setting limits, you are taking some of the control but you are also checking in with your child.

But now you need to let them have some control so that they don’t have a temper tantrum every time that you set a limit.

How do you give them control and still set limits?

You offer choices within the limit.  If your limit is that your child must eat dinner at the table (a fine limit I must tell you, adopt it if you haven’t already) then they get to choose when they are done eating.  Getting up from the table is their choice that they are done.

If your limit is that you must wear clothes to school, then they get to choose which clothes.

Each situation will be unique and you will have to get creative at times.  Parenting is one of those things that keeps you on your toes!

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5Sep

When you should relax and when you should stress

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
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This question was asked last week and I had to smile because it is the best question I have ever heard.  

I feel like this question sums up parenting in a nutshell. 

What is the line between holding a limit and being firm versus letting things go and not stressing about everything?

Unfortunately for all of us, there is no answer.  That is parenting.  That is the fine dance of following through but also being there for your child.

There are essentially two rules in parenting- don’t stress over everything and be consistent.  Unfortunately those two rules cancel each other out.  If you aren’t stressing about every little thing, then you’re probably aren’t following through with things.  AND if you are being consistent and following through with every infraction, then you aren’t letting anything go and there is probably a lot of strife in your house.  

SO… maybe we can make a new rule:

Hold the line maybe about 80% of the time and let things go maybe 20% of the time.

Notice how I used maybe twice.  That is because you’ll have to play it by ear.  But in order to build the consistency that your child craves; the consistency that will help them feel safe and will help with behavior; you need to hold the line even when you don’t want to.  But at the same time, remember that that you can let things go too.  

You will probably want to have a list of when to follow through and when to let go but unfortunately that doesn’t exist.  So what could the rubric for deciding what to do look like?  Well, maybe it comes down to maintaining sanity.  Now I’m not saying give in for the sake of sanity because then we would be giving in every single time to save our own sanity.   

Let’s say it is close to bedtime. You have had 15 meltdowns during the day and you have held strong for all of them.  You can just let this last one go and have a good last ten minutes of the day even though the rest of the day was rough. Let the last one go.  Let it go. 

Parenting is an art.  There may be a ton of books out there that act like manuals but after you read all of those manuals, you will need to use your skills to make last minute decisions.  And not all of your decisions will be the right ones.  Many of them will be the wrong decision and that is part of parenting too.  

Parenting is the ultimate test of holding the line and letting things go.

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8Dec

How to have fewer power struggles

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
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Every day feels like a power struggle.  Every day, you tell your kid to do something and no matter what, they refuse.  They scream.  They tantrum.

This is a common scenario.  You won’t see it happen in other families because it usually happens at home so you feel like you are the only one going through this, but in reality, this is happening in homes across the country. 

You can’t get rid of power struggles completely but you can have fewer.

Let’s start here: Power struggles are born from a place where either the parent has too much power or the child has too much power. 

Ok.  Let’s break that down.  

Power struggles are born from a place where either the parent has too much power or the kid has too much power. 

The parent having too much power is when an order or directive is given.  A common one is “Eat your dinner.”  There is no input from the child on how hungry they are, what kind of food they have already eaten this week, what kind of food they prefer, how they are feeling, when they last ate, etc. 

The kid having too much power is when they tell the parents that they only want this certain kind of food.  But they don’t want it touching other food, they don’t like the texture this time, they don’t want it on the red plate, they only want the one part and not the other part, etc.  

A balance of power is where a parent makes a boundary with input from the child. 

So the parent would make the same food for the whole family with at least one item that they know the child has liked in the past and then the child has the input of what they eat from that plate.   But just because you have a balance of power in this situation, it doesn’t mean that you will get rid of the power struggle. 

If the child has gotten their way in the past by screaming longer and tantruming more, then they will try that strategy again to see if they can get the upper hand.

So the child will keep making demands about the meal and the food and the parent will hold the boundary and not give in.  The child will cry and scream and tantrum and if the parent is consistent, then the child will start to feel more secure, they will know what to expect and the power struggles will slowly start to go away.

Kids need consistency.  Kids need security.  Kids need to know what is going to happen.

So after a period of time where you have found the balance of power and you have been consistent on your part of holding the line while asking for input, the child will approach these difficult situations (taking a bath, mealtimes, bedtime) with the security of knowing exactly what is going to happen.  

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10Nov

How to deal with anger

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
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Your kid is yelling at you and every thing you try to say just makes things worse.  Before you know it, you are yelling back just as much and the whole situation has dissolved into a horrible horrible day.

This situation is quite common although you won’t think it is common because this type of behavior is usually reserved for parents and usually happens in the house. So you might feel like you are in a boat all by yourself, but let me tell you, anger is normal, anger is part of life and you are not alone.  There are several things we can do to help deal with anger: 

Food and Sleep

This is true for everyone including adults: when we are hungry or tired, we are more prone to anger.  If you are dealing with more emotions than normal, start working on a better sleep plan and a better eating plan.  These are both big tasks so don’t expect changes overnight but good sleep and full bellies will help a lot with big emotions. 

Make a Plan

When everyone is sitting at the dinner table, talk about a plan for the anger.  What are some strategies? Have everyone go around the table and talk about what helps them feel better when they are angry.  It won’t be the same for everyone so any idea is welcome as long as everyone is safe.  So taking space is a great idea but running away doesn’t feel safe and shouldn’t be considered an option.  

The Brain Can’t Function During the Anger

There is a great podcast called brains on that has an episode about anger and they talk a little bit about the science behind anger and that it is part of our evolutionary survival.  They talk about how your brain goes into fight, flight or hide when you are angry.  This means that the brain isn’t in the problem solving part of the brain and can’t listen to mom or dad trying to fix the problem.

So when your brain is in the fight, flight or hide part, don’t try to talk or solve the problem.  Let the feeling run its course and be there to keep everyone safe.

Circle Back

So we all lose it at some point.  Maybe we decided that we were going to take a deep breath when we got angry and that didn’t actually happen.  Maybe your kiddo said that they wanted to take space when they got angry and instead they went and hit something.  It happens.  But circle back after everyone is calm again and talk about it.  Why was it so hard to take a deep breath?  If we feel better when we hit something rather than taking space, maybe we should set up a soft place where we can hit pillows?  Keep the dialogue going and don’t worry that there was a setback.  There will be millions of setbacks.  Debriefing about them afterwards is where the learning happens. 

Anger is a Normal Part of Life

Although it is important to find ways to calm ourselves, we don’t need to punish ourselves or our children for getting angry.  I see this as a common reaction to anger- getting even more upset and then yelling at children for getting angry.  But that doesn’t make any sense.  We all get angry.  Anger is a normal part of life.  

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3Aug

Lessons learned during the pandemic

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Pandemic Parental Support
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This is going to start out as a rant and then back off a little bit.  

But I’m frustrated right now.  I keep hearing the wrong thing and I’m not loud enough to change the narrative.

Typically at the end of summer, people are talking about going back to school and who their teacher might be and they are starting to think about tests and facts and what kids might learn.

But this isn’t a typical year.  Families might have someone who is immune compromised and their kids might not be able to attend in-person school.  Teachers might themselves be at risk for the virus or might have someone near them where they just can’t risk getting sick.

And yet, I go online and I see people saying “But I don’t want my kids to get behind.”  “Where do I get materials for teaching grade level math”  and “How much should I pay a tutor?” 

I’m not going to talk about inequalities and disparities within our communities and the schools because that is another topic.  I’m going to simply look at how much people are talking about their kids learning facts and how little people are talking about their kids learning to be part of a community.

Ok, here’s where the rant starts:  The other day, my kids started tennis lessons.  This is the first structured activity that they have done in about 5 months.  There are 5 kids in the class (only 3 families) and they are all wearing masks and it is outside and they are all distancing themselves.

I started talking to the other mom about school and how crazy all of this was and she said that as long as things weren’t as bad as they were in the spring.  I agreed with that, the spring was tough.  She said that her son’s teacher only spent 20 minutes a day teaching last spring and that wasn’t ok.

So, I tried offering another perspective.  I said that from a parent’s point of view, it may appear that the teachers are only spending 20 minutes a day teaching but we as parents won’t see that teacher walking other students through assignments and projects through video calls.  We won’t see the conversations that teacher is having with students who are way ahead and keep asking for more challenging material.  We won’t see her looking at each project individually and trying to differentiate for kids who just aren’t understanding.

“Nope,” the tennis mom said, “I don’t believe she did any of that- she just dropped the ball and barely taught at all.  My son had very little to do in the spring. She didn’t create any online content worth anything and my son learned absolutely nothing last spring.”

“Ok,” I said, “I hear you.  Not all teachers were meant to teach online.  It isn’t everyone’s forte. But still, I think we need to support to teachers anyway we can.”

“Not only that,” She complained “But she also had covid so pretty much nothing got done.”

WAIT!  WHAT!?!

Someone close in your community got sick and your response was “What about me?!”

My jaw dropped and I took a deep breath and I said, “well… maybe that was the learning that was supposed to take place?  Maybe the lesson was how to take care of other people and how to support someone who is still working but also got the virus?”

“Yeah, but we got the short end of the stick in the spring and I don’t want that to happen again.”

Ok. ok.  I’m worked up again right now just thinking about that conversation but it is the same conversation happening all over right now again and again.

What is my kid gonna learn this year?

 

What if your child did not learn a single math equation but knows how to make soup to bring to a sick neighbor?

 

What if your kid doesn’t learn a single history fact but can talk about how they helped combat the virus by wearing masks and social distancing and sacrificing fun events when this becomes history?

 

What if your child doesn’t write a single paper but is able to deal with the disappointment and inevitable conflict of only playing with the same 2 or 3 friends for over a year?

 

What if your child doesn’t do a single science experiment but becomes part of a community that takes care of a teacher, writes kinds notes, and helps create fun learning content for their other classmates while a teacher is down for a couple of weeks recovering from a virus. 

 

I realize that America was created (by white people) to be a nation of individuality; a nation based on freedom (for the privileged) and that these ideals are baked into our psyche whether we realize it or not.  “What about me?”  is a common thread throughout America.  Or even, “What about my family?  What about my child?”

I’m not expecting this to go away, I’m just hopeful that the pandemic can have some larger learning lessons beyond standards and benchmarks and that as a nation we can become something better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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21Mar

It’s gonna get worse before it gets better

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
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It will get better.

Things will improve.  

But it WILL get worse before it gets better.

I was saying this to a couple of parents just about a month ago.  Not about a virus but about behavior and sleeping.  

“Things will improve, but they will get worse first.”

Those were my parenting words but they now they have a new meaning as well.  But we can learn from the parallels.  We can be OK with the getting worse part.  We can breath into the difficulty and know that it won’t last forever.

So if your child isn’t getting good sleep and you know that putting a stricter routine into place is actually going to make the behavior worse. You are correct! But don’t let that stop you!  It will get worse, but then it will get better.

If you know that staying at home and not getting a fun coffee or visiting the park will make the whole pandemic shorter and fewer deaths- then do the hard part now because it will get better and it will get better faster, the more work we put in now.  

Do the hard part now, knowing that it will get better faster, the more work we put in now.

I know this is hard.  Parenting is hard and your children will learn so much from this experience.  They will learn that we sometimes do things for our community and not for ourselves.  And that we take care of each other and that we can do hard things. 

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11Nov

It’s a toddler’s JOB to tantrum: it’s how they learn

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
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When we wake up in the morning, we aren’t thinking, “Hey, I’d love to pay the bills today!”  Same thing with toddlers.  They aren’t consciously thinking, “Hey, I’m gonna scream for 20 minutes today to get my way!”

But just like paying the bills is our job, throwing a tantrum is a toddler’s job.  They have to do it.  So we can wake up hoping that maybe today, they won’t tantrum, but that would be like waking up and hoping that maybe we won’t have to pay the bills.

Don’t dread the tantrums, and don’t get angry either.  I would love to see someone getting angry at the bank because we have to pay our mortgage (people do, by the way).  But it doesn’t make sense.

We want to get so angry when they start to tantrum.  We want to yell and scream back and we want to tell them to stop.  But it is their job to do tantrum, so let them do it and just be there for them when they are done.

So WHY do toddlers tantrum.  Why is this something that every child does?  When kids are born, they aren’t given instructions for what is allowed and how things work.  So they are constantly trying to find out that information.  They want to know if it is OK to stay up and not go to sleep.  They trying to figure out, “Am I allowed to pull the cat’s hair?”  and “Should I throw this bowl across the room?”  The answer may sometimes be yes, but more often than not, the answer is no.  So then they tantrum and cry and that is ok!

I was watching a family in the library last weekend and they had a toddler and the mom kept saying that it was time to go.  Every single time that she tried to get him away from the trains, the smallest whine and the first little twinklings of a tantrum would appear.  The mom would immediately back off and let him play more.  She forgot that the kid’s job is to tantrum. She was trying to avoid him doing his job and therefore, he was learning that all he has to do is tantrum a little bit more and he’ll get to stay even longer next time.  Let them tantrum!  It’s OK!

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25Jul

Why do transitions with toddlers want us to pull our hair out?

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
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If there is one thing that all parents struggle with; it is transitions.

There are two kinds of transition with which we really struggle.  One kind is getting a child to switch gears.  Whether it is transitioning from home to out of the house or leaving the park to go to lunch, this is often a struggle.  The second transition is moving a child from one routine into another routine.  These kinds of transitions are moving from a diaper to no diaper, moving from a family bed to an independent bed or no longer using a bottle.

Parents often feel even more isolated around transitions because they frequently happen at home. It really feels like you are the only one going through this difficulty when actually the opposite is true.  Everyone (and I mean, everyone) goes through a hard time with transitions.

But don’t despair!  There are some things you can do!  For switching gears transitions, there is a very effective tool you can use:

Focus on what is just beyond the transition.

Instead of saying “Get your shoes on. We have to go.  I said Now!”

Say, “Do you want an apple or an orange to eat in the stroller?”

Or, “Do you want to stop at King Soopers or Trader Joes on the way home from school?”

And if the case is leaving the house to go to school (or wherever, it just seems like school is pretty much always the hardest transition): focus either on something good at school or focus on something after school.

Instead of saying, “Stop dilly dallying!  Get ready now!  We have to go!”

Try, “Which friend are you going to play with at school today?” (While you hand them their jacket)

Or, “Which errand do you want to get done this afternoon?” (As you are opening the door)

This can work for leaving the house in the morning or for leaving somewhere fun.  So if you are at the park or a friend’s house, you can talk about the next step rather than the leaving part. “What do you want for dinner tonight?” or “Who should we facetime when we get home?”

I often hear parents bribing their children through transitions.  They say that there is a treat waiting for them in the car.  Or they say that there is something special at home.  There are two reasons for this: 1) it is effective 2) children often forget the bribe through the transition and parents know that.  But there are two reasons that we don’t want to do this.  One is because bribery breaks down relationships and trickery destroys trust.

 

The second type of transition is a much bigger transition.  It is a change of routine such as no longer using a bottle, or no more diapers at night.  This kind of transition feels really hard because you know that there is the other side of the transition, but you just can’t imagine getting through all of the muck and sludge to get there.

But the idea is the same as the first transition;

Focus on the end of the transition in other words: you can do this!

Know that so many parents have gone through this before you and they had just as much difficulty as you are having, but they made it to the other side just as you will.

Change is tough and your kids will resist.  They will cry and they will fuss but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t change your routine.

Let’s say that you have always given your child milk or yogurt or cereal just before bed and you want to take that part of your routine away.  You know in your mind that this is going to be horrible and that they may not sleep as well for a couple of days and that they will be super fussy.  That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t go through the transition, it just means that it will be tough.

But focus just beyond the transition and know that they will eventually eat better at dinner, they won’t have a higher risk for cavities and it will overall be a better routine for health.  So know that the outcome will be optimal and be ready for some fussing.  

Transitions are hard, but as they are a big part of life, be there as support for your kiddos and know that everyone is going through the same thing!

 

 

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22May

The benefits of traveling with young kids

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior
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Before I traveled with young kids, I was deathly afraid of traveling with young children and couldn’t understand why anyone would do it.

I remember reading pieces like Don’t bring your child on a plane or Leave your kid at home next time

But another thing stuck with me as well.  When I was young, single and traveling the world I would see young happy children living in these amazing places that I was going to.  AND I would see families traveling with their little ones!

The two pictures didn’t mesh well in my mind- “don’t travel with kids” and “little kids are experiencing things all over the world”.

So when my boys were born, my husband and I started thinking about how we could travel around the world with our little ones.  And I’m so glad we did.  Here are 8 reasons why traveling with kids is the best:

1. You don’t always get what you want.  Yep, it sounds like a nightmare to most parents (and toddlers) that when you are traveling you don’t always get your way.  This can end up in a tantrum.  It happens.  But when you are home, you have the temptation to give in to your kiddo.  When you are traveling, and your child wants a particular snack, a different kind of wipe, a blue cup instead of a yellow cup, they have to learn how to deal with what you have.  It can be rough for a short bit, but most kids are fast learners.  Once they realize that there is no pizza hut, they get over it.  For the first week of traveling with 2 three-year olds, they didn’t eat much because all the food we had was different, but now, they will eat mostly whatever is offered to them.

2. Building awareness.  Again, this one has a learning curve and it was something that we started before we traveled and has only grown.  I’ve written about mindfulness before and believe that it is a very important topic.  It is tempting to find ways to entertain our kids when we travel but one of the huge benefits of traveling is building awareness for our world and seeing all the amazing things out there.  Children will be fascinated with what is going on outside the plane, on the road, or next to them on the bus so allow them to just watch and ask questions.

3. Trying new things. We often get into ruts and although routines are a good thing, doing something different is also a good thing.  Especially when your kids are young.  I found that as an adult with young children, I didn’t always feel like an adult.  I felt like my life revolved so much around the young kids that I always ate the same food, I would draw silly pictures and play with blocks on the floor and I just needed something else!   When we traveled, I tried new foods (and my kids did too!).  I looked for hermit crabs on the beach instead of blocks on the floor.  I heard different music and went to new places.  It was all very invigorating for me and the children.

4. Letting go of expectations.  Have you always made your child wear shoes since you know that they could step on something sharp?  Do you stress about how many vegetables your child has eaten in one day?  I’ve done all these things and more- until I traveled with my little ones.  The one expectation that I haven’t dropped- seat belts.

5. Seeing how differently other cultures raise children.  Kids menus don’t exist in many other places in the world (unless they are heavily visited by North Americans).  Children climb trees without supervision in some places.   My friend in France said that young children went to the bakery by themselves in the morning to get the family baguette.  I’m not saying that these things are better or worse, but just observing or even experiencing another way to raise children is such an eye-opening experience.

6. Getting your routine down to a science.  I talk about creating a routine all the time.  It creates structure and security for a child and improves behavior drastically.  Traveling will take your routine to the next level.  If you always read two books before bedtime, then you will use that routine to help your child fall asleep in any old place.   If you always sing the same song before nap time, then you have that amazing tool to let your child know that it is nap time even though your are 5 hours off from your regular time zone.  Having a routine in place allows you to travel with children by changing everything else- except the routine.

7. Not having to worry about school. Once your children are in first grade, it is much much much more difficult to travel.  Every school is different, but most schools require attendance and will put you in touch with the truancy officer after missing more than 10 days of school.  But this gives you a pretty big window of about 6 years to travel with your little ones.

8. Paring down and traveling light- The first time we traveled with our 1.5 year old twins, we took two carry on bags for two weeks at the beach.  Now, most travel sites will recommend planning ahead and making sure that you have everything that you need.  Those two sentences may not look synonymous but they are compatible.   See, you do need to plan ahead, and you do need to bring everything you need, but when you travel, you really get down to the questions of “what do you really need?”  Do you really need that noise maker enough to haul it around?  Are toys that important or can your children play with sticks and string?  Can you get away with not bringing the special nose cleaner outer or the spoons that your children request everyday?  When you travel, you realize what you actually need and what is truly important.

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