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27Oct

Be the mom on the wagon (Anyone can adapt, any child can adapt)

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Healthy Eating Sleep Unplugging
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Wagon

A difficult part of parenting is knowing that everything will change.  At times, it can bring comfort hence the ever popular “this too shall pass”.  But it can also bring anxiety when in not knowing how to handle situations.

For instance, many parents don’t want to introduce pacifiers or thumbs because sometime down the road, things will change and they will then have to take them away.   Or your dentist says that you can no longer give your child a bottle right before they go to bed, but then your children will scream and will never go to bed.  Or you gave your child an iPhone when they were tiny and now it’s all they want all the time and you want to restrict the use.

Here’s the good news; anyone can adapt, any child can adapt.

What ever change you want to introduce, you can do it! Your child can adapt to anything.  

I like to picture families traveling across the states during the gold rush in a covered wagon pulled by horses.  Then I like to put a modern family inside that wagon and I here, “Honey, the kids will never be able to take a nap if the wagon is bumpy or cold”.  “We can try to serve them beans for dinner, but I don’t think they’ll eat it.”  “If we don’t warm their milk enough, they’ll never drink it!”  

No, these families and these children had to adapt.  They had to sleep wherever and however they could.  They ate whatever was offered to them.  

Even though our situations today are much more comfortable, we have to remind ourselves that we don’t have to make our situations perfect.  

Over the last month, our house was under construction and it was loud.  So loud that the walls sometimes shook.  The first 3 days were very difficult.  Both of the boys cried and wanted to be held all the time.  We left the house as much as we could but we had to be home for nap time.  So let me tell you, I didn’t think that the boys would be able to nap, but they did, they adapted.

We are in a generation where we have options.  I could have said, “let’s not do the construction”.  I could have said, “You have to stop construction for two hours every day”.  But I know that mothers haven’t always had options.  I know that children can adapt.



Be the mom on the wagon.  If your child can no longer have a bottle before bed, pretend that you are on the trail, and you left your only bottle at the last camp.  You are not going to head back 20 miles and 2 days out of the way to collect one bottle.  Your child on the wagon has to adapt to not having a bottle.  There’s no other option. 

Be the mom on the wagon.  If your child is used to getting to eat whatever they want at dinner time and you can only cook one meal, pretend you are on the trail and that’s all the food you have.  Whatever is on their plate, they can eat and if they don’t want to eat that, then that’s fine, there will be food tomorrow.

Be the mom on the wagon.  If your child is screen addicted and wants the phone, ipad, tv or computer all the time, pretend you are on the trail and the only entertainment for them is the great outdoors or a book or playing with you or by themselves.  You can just say, “not now.”  “I don’t know where it is (hidden high in a closet)” or “oops!  it’s not working right now..”  

With all of these changes, your children will fuss, they will tantrum and they will scream.  Because it is an effective way for them to get what they want.  But be the mom on the wagon; even if they are screaming, you physically can’t get the bottle, more food or a new electronic toy.  Be consistent, stick with it and your children will adapt.  They will be fine with it once they realize that it is their reality.  
 

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24Oct

The Family Dinner and How it Could Change Your Life

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Healthy Eating Positive Parenting Unplugging
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family dinner

With all of the different parenting philosophies out there, a mother or father could get quite confused.  One group believes in one thing, while another group believes the exact opposite (when did parenting begin to mirror politics?)

But thankfully, there is one thing that everyone can agree on: the family dinner.

The family dinner is like the holy grail of parenting, you get this one down and you can check off a whole slew of other parenting struggles.

That’s because family dinners promote language development, communication, and nutrition.  It is the perfect time to be screen-free and it helps children build the skills they need to help overcome challenges.

When the entire family sits down to dinner once per week or more, then a lot of the other parenting woes such as behavior issues, communication issues and defiance tend to slip away.  The family is seen more as a unit and when children feel more a part of something, they are more likely to take care of it and respect it.
family dinner1A family dinner is also one that doesn’t include the television or other distractions.  It is totally fine to eat dinner in front of the television, as long as you do a family dinner without it at least once per week as well.  Hopefully, you have a space in your home where your whole family can sit and eat together.  If not, it is something worth investing in.

So how young can children be to be involved in the family dinner?  You can start once they are eating solids.  They don’t have to eat the same things that you are eating, but by the time they are 8-10 months old, they should start having part of the same dinner.  

And how old is too old to start a family dinner?  Any age works, you can introduce the topic and say “one night per week, we are all going to eat dinner together”.  If they are somewhat resistant to the idea, then make it special.  For instance, for the weekly family dinner, we get to make or take-out pizza, and then we all eat it together.

I often hear parents saying that they feed the kids first, then put the kids to bed and then eat.  That is a great way to have some alone time with your husband or to invite friends over, but it shouldn’t be the norm.   Whenever I hear that, I picture the children eating box macaroni and cheese and I picture the adults eating some steak and asparagus later.   The ideal is to eat all at the same time with macaroni and cheese, steak and asparagus.  The children will love eating what the adults are eating and if it is their first time trying asparagus and they don’t like it yet (they need 15-20 times to try it) then they have plenty of mac and cheese to eat.

Above and beyond the nutritional aspect of family dinners is the connectedness that children feel when they eat dinner together with the whole family.   A study was recently done about the “ties that bind us”  which showed that children who knew more about their family, and about their past were able to heal faster after trauma.  As a parent, I worry a lot about all the challenges and difficulties my children may face but to know that they have had all of these family dinners in their favor allows me to worry a little bit less.

And one last bonus: dinners out at restaurants are way easier because if it is part of your routine to sit and eat dinner all together, then little ones won’t be as squirmy and you will be able to enjoy your meal out so much more!

So if your children are young, don’t wait!  Start now with either a nightly or weekly family dinner and know that all the TV shows and other things can wait until after dinner and know that this little change can make a huge difference in your children’s lives.


This article is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://boulderchildwhisperer.com

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2Aug

Picky Eaters and How to End the Mealtime Battles

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Healthy Eating Positive Parenting
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baby eating

Picky eaters are synonymous with toddlers.  Thats what kids do- they give their parents grief at meal times.  But there is science behind that and parents can use the science to their advantage.

Here are five things you can do with your children to keep them from becoming picky- or to cure them of their picky-ness:

1) (And this is the MOST important- every parent needs to know this!) A person needs to try a strong flavored food 10-20 times before liking it.

2) Give them a variety of foods from a very young age (or start now if they are older).

3) Have mealtimes together as a family.  If you are a busy family (like most families) then do it as often as you can.  Once per day, once a week or even once a month.

4) Don’t worry about whether a child eats or not (unless there is something medical which requires a certain diet). 

5) Give options during the meal, but once the meal is served, there aren’t other options.

 

Here are the ideas behind each suggestion.

1) (And this is the MOST important- every parent needs to know this!) A person needs to try a strong flavored food 10-20 times before liking it.

You can offer your child broccoli nine times and they will stick their tongue out but the TENTH time- they might like it.  This is where the “just take a small bite” comes into play.  If they don’t like it, then don’t force it, just offer it again a month later.

This idea really hit home for me as an adult because growing up I was the pickiest eater.  I hated red peppers more than anything.  I could tell if a food had red peppers even near it and I threw huge tantrums if a food had red peppers removed from it and then served to me because I could smell the red peppers that were previously there.

Then as an adult, I began serving red peppers to my students as a vegetable tasting lesson.  I only did it because I wanted all the colors and tomatoes were messy.  After doing this lesson for three years, I took one small bite of a red pepper, and my taste buds said, “Wholey moley!  YUM!”  They have since become one of my favorite vegetables.

As an extra experiment, choose a food that you absolutely hate and try it once a month and see if it comes around (you can also serve it to your kids and see who comes around faster…).

2) Give them a variety of foods from a very young age (or start now if they are older).

Young children will put anything in their mouths.  From the age of around 6 months (when they can bring things up to their mouths) to around one year old (and often longer), children will put anything in their hands into their mouths.  This is so they can learn about their world.  They can see what things taste like and feel like.

You can use this time to your advantage.  You can give them strong flavored foods and they will put it in their mouth and either eat it, or spit it out.  But they are building their flavor repertoire which will help with picky-ness.

Even as they get older and maybe don’t even want a particular food on their plate, just having it at the table will make it become more familiar and they will be more likely to like it later.


3) Have mealtimes together as a family.  If you are a busy family (like most families) then do it as often as you can.  Once per day, once a week or even once a month.

Not only does this help with food issues, it also helps them socially and emotionally.  But back to food, a young child will want to do whatever their parents are doing, so if you are eating some steak or a spinach salad, they will want to eat it as well.  They will know that the food they are served is good enough for the rest of the family and they are more likely to eat it.  It is also so much easier for the parents to make ONE meal and serve it to everyone.  There are no other options.

Which brings me to the next two points:

4) Don’t worry about whether a child eats or not (unless there is something medical which requires a certain diet). 

If your child is relatively healthy, it is more than OK to skip a meal or a couple of meals.  Children who are teething, have a cold, or a just a normal child may not feel like eating 3-4 times per day.  It is totally acceptable to go a day (or two) of only having a bite at each meal.

We have trained ourselves as adults to think that a child needs to eat.  If we aren’t hungry, we won’t eat most things, but a body (or our tastebuds) rarely turn down something sweet or fatty.  So even if we aren’t hungry, we can always find room for a grilled cheese, a cookie, cinnamon toast, etc.  If your child is hungry, your child will eat.  If your child isn’t hungry, don’t force them to eat.  They will be ok.  If you want to double check with your pediatrician, I highly recommend that because it is always good to be on the same page.

5) Give options during the meal, but once the meal is served, there aren’t other options.

This goes back to number four.  This is the downfall of healthy eating.  You make one meal (with at least one item that you know the children will enjoy) and then you serve it.  If they want to eat, awesome.  If they don’t want to eat, just as well.

There will always be breakfast in the morning.

 
This article is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://boulderchildwhisperer.com

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