Menu

5Apr

Top 10 Parenting Strategies to Calm Young Children

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting Sleep Unplugging
No comments

Most parents are wondering what to do when their child is having a tantrum, or what to do when they are hitting.   But a lot of parenting challenges can be resolved when everyone is calm.

Sometimes we don’t take advantage of this time because we might forget. But even more often, we don’t want to “rock the boat” when things are good.  We don’t want to lose the good part by bringing up the bad part.

But don’t be afraid!

There are a lot of things you can do when things are calm to help the times that aren’t calm.

Each situation is a little bit different on how to handle the behavior, but here are ten things you can do when everyone is in a good mood:

1) Teach calming down strategies

The best strategy for calming down is to take a deep breath.  It works for kids, it works for adults.  Young children love imagery so you can say, “Smell the flowers. Blow out the candle.”  You may not think that you have to practice, but when everyone is in the heat of the moment, breathing deeper is a lot harder than you’d think.  If you are eating dinner together, you can start the meal with two deep breaths.  That helps your daily practice, as well as setting the stage for a nice meal.  Another strategy for calming down is taking space.  You can talk to your kids about taking space and how it helps calm you down and then actually act it out.  Pretend that you are upset and then go into your room.  Come out a minute later much calmer and talk about how taking space helped.

2) Read a book together

There are many great anger and tantrum books out there that you can read with your children, but the best book that you can use to help your child is one that you wrote about your situation.  Does your child always get upset about their little brother? Write a book about it with real pictures!  Does your child throw things all the time?  Write a book about it!  Then you can discuss the book and the behavior with your child when everyone is calm.

3) Make a plan about a certain behavior

This one is so important.  Don’t wait until the behavior happens to make a plan.  Make a plan in the morning or evening when everyone is calm.  Start by mentioning the unwanted behavior.  “Do you remember what a tough time we had going to bed last night?  You were fussing about not getting enough water (stories/hugs/potty trips/etc). Let’s make a plan so that it doesn’t happen again tonight.”  Then after you mention the problem, you can start coming up with ideas on how to do things differently this time.  Also come up with a plan if things don’t go well again.

4) Talk about how much we take care of each other

Make this part of your daily routine.  Whenever you see someone helping out, mention it.  “I’m taking care of you guys by making breakfast.  You are taking good care of your kitty by being gentle.  Papa takes good care of us by working so hard.  Thank you for taking good care of your toys.  Your hug just made me feel so good- you take good care of me.”  Being part of a family means taking care of each other and it is good to point out each time it happens.

5) Solve a problem

Solving problems can be fun and when you practice the steps of problem solving, you make it easier to problem solve when times are rough.  First, name the problem “What is the problem?  Our spice drawer is really messy.  What are some solutions?  We could organize all the spices; we could build a spice rack; we could move them to a bigger drawer.  What do you guys think?”

top-ten-things-to-do-when-everyone-is-calm (1)

6) Let them overhear about what a good listener/ good problem solver/ good helper they are

My favorite quote is “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice“.  So if a child hears that they are “crazy monsters”, then they will become a crazy monster.  If a child hears that they are a “good helper”  then they become a good helper.

7) Let them see you handle a conflict/ calm down

Modeling behavior is the best way to teach behavior and if you are a parent, chances are, you have gotten angry, upset or overwhelmed recently.  This gives you the perfect situation for modeling how to get out of that mood and it is by calming our bodies.  Once you are upset, talk about it. “I’m really upset right now. I’m going to take some deep breaths to help me calm down.  *breathe in*  *breathe out*  (pause) OK, I’m feeling a little bit more calm now.”

8) Eat a meal together without devices

The best way to deal with conflicts present and future is to eat a meal together without devices.  Eating a family dinner is one of the best things you can do to help your child’s behavior.  It is the perfect time to bring up situations in a non-threatening way and you can find solutions to help solve future problems.

9) Look at how much sleep your kids are getting

A tired kid is a cranky kid.  Compare your child’s sleep with how much sleep they should be getting.

10) Have a tickle fest!

Have fun together as a family.  Kids are a riot.  Enjoy them as much as you can and you will release a lot of stress and find yourself enjoying each other a lot more!

Tags:
2Feb

The second most important thing to help your child’s behavior- Empathy

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
No comments

(The most important thing you can do, by the way, is eat a family dinner together).

Often my posts are about changes you can make when working with your children to help create a better life for you and them.  But today, I’m going to talk a little bit behind the scenes with some “why’s” behind what we do.

Empathy is really such a cornerstone concept because it is super important for parents to have with their children and even more important skill for children to learn.

What is empathy?  My husband said that it is knowing how other people feel.  That in itself is correct, but it is so much more than that.

Empathy is understanding other people’s feelings and what is happening behind the feeling.

Empathy is putting yourself in other people’s shoes.

Let’s first talk about empathy, sympathy and compassion.

Empathy is understanding where someone is coming from.  It is the why behind the actions or behavior.

Sympathy is either feeling the same emotion or being able to feel the same emotion.

Compassion is wanting to help someone who is in need.

All three of these are very important but the one that gets forgotten the most is empathy.

Here are some examples:

With the war in Syria, we have empathy for the refugees. We understand why they are leaving their country.  We probably won’t be able to sympathize with them, unless we ourselves have had to leave our country under duress.  We will most likely have compassion for them and want to help.

However, we may also have empathy for the countries who are not taking in the refugees.  Why are they not helping?  If we look at the “why” behind their behavior we might read that they don’t feel like they have the resources to take in all the refugees.  They might even be afraid of what the future will look like with so many people who don’t have jobs or who speak the language.  If we look at the why’s behind their behavior, we might have empathy for these countries. Even though I may not agree with these countries, I can understand where they are coming from. I myself wouldn’t have sympathy for these countries because I believe that I would feel differently. And it certainly doesn’t mean that we have compassion for these countries.   If they are refusing entry to the refugees, they don’t deserve any compassion for their actions.

So the three are intertwined but can also be very separate.  When empathy becomes the most difficult, but most important, is when we see behavior that is undesirable.  In the first example, pretty much everyone would have empathy for the refugees, but in the second example, it is a bit more difficult to have empathy for countries refusing refugees entry.  We have to dig deep to find some empathy and figure out where the behavior is coming from.

When we have empathy for our children, our conflicts de-escalate, our connection builds and we can solve problems without all the fussing and fighting that often happens with people don’t get their way.

If your child doesn’t get a toy that they want, you can empathize with that.  They wanted something, they didn’t get it.  That sucks.  It sucks for us adults as well when we wanted a poppy seed bagel and we get to the bagel shop and they are all out.  We can empathize.  “You are bummed because you didn’t get that toy that you wanted.”  We can sympathize, “I feel the same way when I don’t get something I want.”  We can have compassion, “Would you like a hug?”

We also need to have tons of empathy when we are giving consequences.  We may be angry with our children when their behavior is unacceptable, but it is wiser and more effective to give consequences with a big ol’ dose of empathy.  Let’s say your one child has just smacked your other child after a particularly trying morning.  

Without empathy:

You can pick him up angrily and bring him into his room and say, “Don’t ever do that again!”

With empathy:

You can stop, say, “Uh oh.  I can’t allow you to hit anyone.  I know you wanted that toy, but you will have to go somewhere where everyone will be safe.” and carry him gently into his room.

And equally important as empathizing with our children is teaching them empathy.

How do we teach empathy?

First, we are empathetic with our children.  Then, we teach them problem solving skills which include looking at other solutions (seeing where the other child is coming from).  Thirdly, we talk about the why’s behind behavior.

For really young children, we can just point out the “why” behind the situation:

Without empathy:

“Stop fussing! You both need to share!”

With empathy:

“Look, Eliza wants a turn with the toy, too.”

Without empathy:

“Ugh, that child is so whiny.”

With empathy:

“Let’s give some of our snack to Melissa, I think she might be hungry.”

And for older children, it can be much more of a discussion:

Is someone bothering your child (a sibling or a child at school)? You can start the discussion with, “What do you think is going on?”   “Do you think that the other child wants what you have?”  “Do you think they might be lonely?”

When you look at the why’s behind the situation and help your child look at why someone is acting someway, then you are teaching them all about empathy.

Why does all this matter?

Just like blueberries are one of those super-foods, empathy is one of those super skills.  Children and adults who have empathy end up having more friends, getting better jobs, are better bosses, have better relationships and so on.   There is one caveat, however and that is that there is a study that says that the most powerful people in the world have less empathy than other people.  So if you want your child to be a ruler and be able to get power with any means necessary, then don’t teach her empathy.  But if you want her to be successful and happy, then use empathy yourself with your children and teach them how to be empathetic as well.

Tags:
20Oct

10 Tips To Being A Good Parent

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting Siblings Sleep Unplugging
No comments

Here’s a list of 10 tried and true tips to being a good parent:

  1. Routine

It may not fit your lifestyle if you are used to being more spontaneous and flying by the seat of your pants before you had kids, however it is the number one way to having happier kids.  Doing more or less the same things at more or less the same time of day every day will make your children better sleepers, better eaters and better behaved.

2. Eat dinner together as a family

There is study after study about how eating dinner together as a family insulates your children from many societal ills.  Be sure to use the “no devices at the table” rule or you won’t benefit from the time together.  But this one simple thing will set your child up for life!

3.  Breathe

The best thing I ever heard as a parent is, “breathe in for a count of 5, breathe out for a count of 5”.  Not only does it calm you down, but it is a great model to help your children calm down.

4. Rotate your children’s toys

When your children have fewer toys to play with, they are more engaged and more focused.  Clean up is much, much easier and when they are bored with their toys, the ones in storage will feel like new!  Get some good storage bins (or even plastic bags) and put about half of your kid’s toys away in the garage or a closet.

5. Don’t force your kids to eat

Take all the stress away from food and eating and your children will be better and healthier eaters.  Provide them with three healthy meals a day with fruit for snack in-between meals and as long as there is at least one thing on the plate that they will eat, let them decide how much food they want.  It’s OK if they decide not to eat, or just eat the one thing that they are familiar with.  Have them take one bite of the new food even if it is a tiny bite.  It takes 20 times of trying most foods before children will eat it.

6. Carve out a little time for yourself

If you are burnt out, you won’t be much support for your children.  Taking some time for yourself doesn’t make you a bad parent, it makes you a good parent.  Whether it is a 5 minute walk around the block, a little meditation in the morning, or watching your favorite show while they are sleeping- just do it!

7. Teach your children problem solving skills

If your children can solve their own problems, then your life will be much easier and your children will have more success in life.  Start by identifying the problem (you both want the same toy) and then help them come up with solutions.  The more creative, the better!

8. Get outside every single day (even and especially on the worst of days)

One of my favorite quotes is “Nature is cheaper than therapy.”  Getting outside is something you can do with or without your children.  When you go outside for even a short time, your whole look on life will improve.  If you have even more time to get a walk around the block or a get out into nature, your outlook on life will increase ten-fold.  And if the weather is super rainy, cold, hot or just uncomfortable, then coming back home will be that much more enjoyable.

9. Get down on the floor (when times are good and when times are bad)

Getting down on the floor does many things:

  • It changes your perspective so that you see things from your kids point of view
  • It moves your body in ways that you aren’t used to and puts you into a mood to have fun
  • If tempers are flaring, it lowers the anxiety level of your children (Seriously. Try this- they immediately calm down)
  • It puts you on the same level as your child which increases connection and decreases power imbalance

10. Give your kiddos a hug every single day

This one is a no-brainer, but somehow I still seem to forget!

Tags:
31Jul

You Think You Want to Spank Your Child? Think Again

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
No comments
spanking(20)

I realize that not too many people who follow me are ones who spank their children, but even if I’m just preaching to the choir, I still need to preach.

After reading all the news about the recent (and history of) police brutality, I have to speak from a parenting point of view.

Do not spank your children.

What does this have to do with people in a position of power harming other people?

Everything.

I write about discipline all the time and mostly my stance is on finding a balance between setting limits and positive parenting.  It is a confusing topic and parenting is tough, so there is a lot to say about it.   I rarely talk about the exertion of control over your children although it actually is a key part in understanding discipline and teaching positive skills to your children.  So when you look at the continuum of parenting styles, you’ll see authoritarian on one side, permissive on the other and unconditional or positive parenting somewhere in the middle.  But what separates one style from another is the amount of control, or the amount of power:Parenting styles (8)

Authoritarian parents tend to run on the idea that having complete control over your children helps their behavior.  Parents make the rule and parents enforce the rule.   And what is the most popular way to enforce rules? Spanking.

Most people can agree that this style of parenting stops undesirable behavior mostly in its tracks.  It might make a child upset or cry, but hey, parents can stop that behavior too with enough force.

The underlying, indisputable, persistent message to children with authoritarian parenting and spanking is:

It is never OK to hit, unless you are in a position of power or authority.

So with authoritarian parenting, children learn what is OK and what is not OK from a parent’s point of view.  This sounds like a good thing which is why so many parents choose to be authoritarian.  But they learn other lessons too, that might not be as desirable.  They learn that you can control other people who don’t have as much power through force.  They also learn that this kind of violence is somehow OK.

I am not a scientist, and I’ve only thought for about 5 minutes of actually getting a PhD, but if I were to do a dissertation, it would be on how many people who are in position of power and have abused that power were spanked as a child.

I don’t know how accurate the data would be since I was spanked as a child and I don’t go around asserting myself through force, but I do think that there is a relationship there.

So instead of requesting obedience through complete control and hitting your child, you can send them another message of working together to solve problems by giving the children some control.   Some food for thought…

Tags:
11Jun

Positive parenting isn’t permissive parenting

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
No comments
positive

A lot of families are turning to positive parenting these days because they want to leave the yelling, screaming and anger that can happen with parenting in the past.

But what ends up sometimes happening with positive parenting is that the parents become permissive parents.

Positive parenting is still strict parenting.

It is loving parenting, but it is not permissive parenting.

Let me explain:

Parenting is a confusing world to navigate.  Most of us are on board that we no longer hit or spank our children.  And everyone would love to never yell or be angry with our children.  But the in-between section is gray, nebulous and full of indecision.

But you don’t want to be indecisive and your children don’t want you to be indecisive either.

So you have to come up with a plan.  And the first place that parents look for advice is on the internet.  This is great because the internet has so much information, and this is overwhelming because the internet has so much information.

I often find articles that say, “time-outs are bad”, and “consequences are bad”.  I read these articles and they make me want to hug my children all the time.  But then I scour them for exactly what I’m supposed to do when my whole family is losing it.  They give advice like: get close to your children, or give them space, or talk them through their emotions.

I’m sure that this works for some families and it is probably the ideal way to raise your children, but unfortunately, it doesn’t work for me and I’ve spoken with many parents who also struggle with this type of positive parenting.  I’ve only seen it confuse children because they don’t know what the expectations and limits are.

What does work for children is setting limits in a loving way.

So let’s make a plan.  You set a limit that says, “We do not hit people.”  You talk it over with your child and say, “We take care of each other, we do not hit people.”  Then you let them know ahead of time what the consequence will be.  “If you are hitting, that is not safe and you will need to spend time in your room where you and everyone else will be safe. Then when you are calm, you can join us again.”

Then, when your child hits someone, you pick up your child and bring them to their room (or pack n play, or safe space where they can calm down) while you calmly say something like, “We take care of each other.  We do not hit. I need you to be safe.  You can join us again when you are calm and safe.”

In this manner, you weren’t punitive, you weren’t aggressive, you weren’t angry.  You were loving and you set a limit.  This is important for children because children who don’t have limits have to keep pushing and questioning boundaries until they do know what the limit is.   So you can set a limit, have a consequence and even give a time-out in a positive way.

Now your child will probably want to leave the time-out almost immediately. That’s OK by me.  If they are truly calm and they are safe, then they can follow you back out.  If they are thrashing and screaming, then they need more time.

I read all the time that isolating a child when their behavior is unacceptable is damaging for the child.  So, I have to ask myself what do I do when I am overwhelmed?  Yes, sometimes I like a good hug, but most of the time I just need a minute to myself.  So what do I do when I’m losing it?  I go into my room, or I go outside for a minute.  I give myself a “time-out” and that’s not damaging to me.  It helps me calm down.  And that is what we are teaching our kids to do when we do it in a calm way.

So the next time your child reaches a limit and you are giving a consequence,  you can give them a hug while you do it.  Say, “As soon as you are calm and can be safe, we would love to have you join us.”  Hug and consequence.

That is positive parenting.

Tags:
2May

It’s not that you lost your s#%t, it is about how you can calm down

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
No comments
lost

Perhaps some people will disagree with me since learning to live a more mindful life is to not lose your stuff all the time (which is partially true), but if you have young children, I don’t know how you can get through a day without either you or them losing their s*$t.

So in my life, it isn’t about whether you lose you s#%t, it is about how you can calm down afterwards.

Part of our job as parents is to teach children how to control their emotions.  Toddlers can lose their stuff over just about anything.  We often think that we have failed when our children lose their s#*$&, but we haven’t; it is totally normal.  Our job isn’t to keep them from going off the deep end, it is teaching them how to come back.

As parents. we too, are often pushed to the emotional edge with our toddlers and we need to practice working on our own emotions.   Lots of parents practice “not-yelling” at their children and although I succeed at not-yelling the majority of the time, there are times when I lose it and I yell.  Loud.

That’s OK.  Just like it is OK for your little one to go off.

This is a great teaching moment for everyone.  Once you lose it, how do you calm down?

Do you:

  • Leave the room?
  • Take some deep breaths?
  • Ask for a hug?
  • Go outside for a minute?
  • Go for a walk?

These are all acceptable ways to deal with losing your s#$t and it is perfectly acceptable to talk about it with your children.  In fact, it is encouraged that you process what happened to you with your children so that they can learn how to deal with their s%$t.

This is how children learn to calm down, by watching their parents lose their s#$t and then calming down themselves and talking about it afterwards.

“I was pretty upset this morning wasn’t I?” (This is you talking to your toddler not the other way around, although wouldn’t that be pretty awesome?!?)

“I felt overwhelmed by all the things that needed to happen in a pretty short amount of time and I got upset and I yelled.”

“But then, once we were all in the car, I took some deep breaths and I was able to calm down.”

This is part of the problem solving process, identifying the problem (I lost it) and then finding solutions (taking some time, breathing deeply, getting a hug).  This is also part of the process of self-care.  Acknowledging that it is OK to lose it and then taking steps to bring your emotions back into balance.

We can’t expect our children to not get upset and we can’t expect ourselves to never get upset.  So when it does happen, it is really important that we have the tools to be able to calm down and that we can pass those tools on to our children.

Tags:
4Mar

“Sorry” is not a catch-all word

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting Siblings
No comments
sorry 1

All children make mistakes.  It is a part of growing up.  A parent’s job is to teach children about making mistakes and what that means.

Sometimes children get angry and lash out; it too is part of growing up.  A parent’s job is also to work with children and their emotions and help them manage what they are feeling.

Even though I hear parents saying, “Say ‘You’re sorry!'”  to their kids all the time, sorry is not a catch-all word that works with both of these situations.

When “sorry” works:

If a child makes a mistake, or accidentally does something like drops something breakable, bumps into someone, or spills their drink, then they probably are remorseful and “sorry” is an appropriate response.  So teach your children to say sorry when they have accidentally done something wrong.

When “sorry” doesn’t work:

When a child gets angry or frustrated and acts out by pushing another child, or hitting their parent, or pinching their friend, it is highly unlikely that they are remorseful.  They are angry and they are acting out in their anger.  Teaching them to say “sorry” in this situation, teaches them that “sorry” solves the problem.

But “sorry” didn’t solve the problem, the other child or person has been hurt and your child probably still feels angry.  This is the time for parents to teach children about emotions and problem solving.

First: Help the child or children calm down.  (This is something that can be taught when the child is calm and then reinforced when they are angry, but that is another post) Look them in the eye and then talk about taking deep breaths and then take a deep breath with them. This will begin the process and allow the child to start problem solving.

Second: Talk about the problem: what happened? And ask all of the people involved.

Third: Find a solution.  The adult can offer some solutions (I like to offer really unattractive solutions like “How about we put the toy away since it is causing problems?  That’s one solution” ) and then the children can come up with solutions.  After a few ideas have been offered, a solution can be chosen.

If your child later feels bad about the whole situation, they can then apologize to the hurt party.  But sometimes I see children who want a toy, hit the other child to get the toy, and then say “sorry” as they walk away with it only because they have been taught to say “sorry” after every transgression.

This way takes a little bit longer but it teaches children emotional regulation, empathy and problem solving which could possibly be three of the most important life skills we need.

 

Tags:
19Sep

Next time you hear “I can’t” respond with this:

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Behavior Positive Parenting
No comments
I-2Bcan-t

“I know, it’s really hard.”

That’s it.  That’s all you have to say.

We hear “I can’t” a million times a day and often during meltdowns or tantrums and it’s really quite simple.  Just respond with, “yes, it is hard.”

They may not actually be able to do what they are saying they can’t do and then you can ask them if they want help.  Or you can just stand back and watch.

If they do achieve what they previously couldn’t, then they look up at you like, “Oh my gosh!  Look what I just did and it was really hard!!”  

If they don’t, then you can just commiserate and say, “There are some really hard things that I can’t do either.”

So next time you hear your kids say, “I can’t!!” then refrain from saying, “yes, you can” and just say, “I know, it’s really hard.”

Tags:
17Mar

Five reasons why twins are the best

Posted by: Suzy Burger Categories: Parental Support Siblings
No comments
twins

When we found out that we were having twins, I was shocked beyond belief.  The pregnancy was difficult (not for medical reasons, but for anxiety reasons) and the first 3-6 months were really rough.

But then, the sun started shining and I began to realize how lucky we are to have twins.  The disclaimer here is that twins are tricky no matter what and that I’m not discounting anyone’s experience with multiples, I’m just saying that there are certain advantages to having twins.  And here they are:

 

1) Twins learn how to share from day one.  

Breastfeeding was very important to me and with a ton of support, I was able to breast feed my boys for 8 months and 13 months.  For the first month or so, I tandem fed them which meant that they both breast fed at the same time.  It was very difficult to do that and once the feedings got quicker, I shifted to feeding them one at a time.  So from very, very early on, they heard me say (and watched me) as I gave them one turn at a time.  And trust me when I say that the one who had to wait wasn’t always happy, but hey, guess what, that’s life and it is much easier to learn at 3-4 months old rather than at 2 years old. 

So if you only have one baby, play games where each of you takes a turn from when they are wee ones.  You can have a fun toy and play with it for a minute or two while saying “my turn!” before you give it to them.  Continue this daily, “My turn for ‘eye spy!'” or “My turn for a bite of applesauce” so that they have the built in skill of taking turns. 

2) The father has to take a lead role from day one.

Moms take on too much.  That is part of being a mom originating from the days of living in a cave.  One of our goals as mothers is to delegate and give the father some jobs.  But we don’t do that well because we think we can do it just a little bit better.  However, if you have multiples, then there is no way that you can physically handle two babies all the time.  The father has to change diapers, feed the babies with bottles, cook, clean, etc.

It is so so difficult to give up some of these jobs but it is crucial for the whole family and especially for the child to have the father take a big role in raising children.  Even having just one child is very difficult at the beginning but if dad takes care of the bath or the bedtime story, or one feeding, then that is one less thing you have to do and everyone will benefit from it.

3) You start them on a schedule from day one.

There are lots of differing opinions on scheduling children and in this case I’m referring more to a routine, but also to a schedule of sorts.  For the first three months, I fed them when they were hungry but I fed both of them at the same time.  So from the beginning I felt comfortable molding their schedule a bit so that as they got older and I did start a stricter feeding and eating schedule, it wasn’t weird for any of us.

There are some days when I feel a little jealous when I see cute kids running and playing at a friend’s house at 9pm because my boys have never been awake after 8 pm but at the same time, I love love love that when 7/ 7:30 comes around, I put the boys in their beds and they fall asleep.  This is because of routine, this is because of a schedule. 

If you only have one child and want to build good sleep habits, resist the urge to have them follow your schedule. Instead, build your life around their schedule.  It’s not forever and it sets them up for good life-long habits.  Feed them at about the same times every day, put them down for nap in their crib at the same time every day and put them to bed at the same time every night.  It really does pay off in the long run. 

4) Twins learn problem solving skills from early on

This one is similar to reason #1 but is different in that I’m really just saying that children learn how to “argue” at a young age.   People ask me all the time if they fight a lot, and the answer is “Yes, if they are tired or hungry, they are very whiny and irrational, but otherwise, they are constantly using their problem solving skills.”  What does that mean?  It means that they are always negotiating, helping each other, finding solutions with each other and so on.  What it means and that they are each other’s social teachers and the lessons never end.

If you only have one child, it is good to do lots of play dates and allow the children to find conflict.  Don’t solve the problem yourself just to avoid the problem. Instead, help them solve the problem.  Offer solutions, give ideas and see what they come up with.  Non-verbal toddlers can learn lots of problem solving skills if you allow them to experience conflict. 

5) The ubiquitous “two for one” (but it’s true)

I hear this so often that it is annoying, but it is also true.  Pregnancy is rough, birth is rough and if you only have to do it once to get two children, then it is a real advantage.


Twins are the best thing in the world!

This article is © Copyright – All rights reserved http://boulderchildwhisperer.com

Tags: