Parenting was intuitive many many years ago. In fact, the word parenting didn’t exist because it wasn’t a “thing”; it just happened. People didn’t have discussions about parenting or whether what they were doing was right or wrong. They just did.
Nowadays, parenting is no longer intuitive, although many people will argue against that. But times have changed and what came naturally when our grandparents were growing up doesn’t exist now. Parents have a different job now with the way our world is changing.
- Is managing your child’s screen time intuitive? no.
- Is deciding what school your child is going to go to or if you should home-school or un-school intuitive? no
- Is dealing with temper tantrums at the library story time intuitive? no
- Is loving your child intuitive? YES (thank goodness!)
Parenting was intuitive when things had to get done. So if you are growing up on a farm and the cows have to be milked, and the hay has to be harvested, and the eggs have to be collected, then your communication with your children is intuitive. They help out, end of story.
If your family was traveling across the country in a covered wagon to find work, then children had to help and be part of the working equation. End of story.
I’m not at all nostalgic for that time because I could not imagine for the life of me traveling across the country in a wagon with young children. But people did it because they had to.
What we deal with today is cleaning up our toys after play time, taking a bath, eating a nice meal even though we just had one a couple of hours ago, getting to music class on time. None of these things have to happen for the sake of survival. This is where parenting loses its intuitiveness.
This is where parents struggle everyday. This is where coaching helps because this is where parents are getting “stuck”.
In order to bring back some of the intuitiveness to parenting, the first step is to realize what is essential and what isn’t. A great example of this is feeding children. A lot of parents feel that a child must eat three balanced meals a day to be healthy. But young children often don’t want to eat. Their teeth may be hurting, they may not be growing that much for a short period, they may not feel well. Parenting becomes intuitive when you know that they will not wither away if they decide not to eat. They will eat when they are hungry.
The times have changed and by accepting that things are different now and that parenting isn’t intuitive, you are actually giving yourself a break. You may not know how to deal with this. It is ok that your stomach gives a little flutter and you feel nervous that you may be in over your head. You are just acknowledging that this journey is big and that parenting isn’t what it used to be.